Many Different Friendships
I caught myself thinking today about my friends and how different they are. How some friends are beneficial in one way while others are very versatile. That even though I am a fairly sociable person I find I hold many prospective friends at arm's length. I consider the friends I have now - how I love them to death and cherish them completely. I wish others have the clarity that I perceive within my own realm of reality regarding friendships.
Humor me as my mind wanders off with thoughts of many kinds of friends...
For example, I have a couple that are a bit older so when we hang out it is always over dinner or dessert. A detailed conversation including work, family and current events is always prevalent and activities past 9 pm are non-existent.
If you compare it to another friend, we can have a blast doing anything! Whether we are just sitting and talking, watching MTV music videos, dancing at the club or flying to another country, we enjoy each other's company regardless. This is also a friendship that can sit in church together and sing in the car together. (I think singing in the car is the ultimate test of friendship!)
Then I think of some other friends that are too busy and have fallen away. Those are the friends that only call when they want something or (only by your power of suggestion) go out for a short amount of time for coffee or dessert. The kind of friend that would rather be somewhere else but is humoring you for your sake. These friends can be tricky because it is a hard decision when you know you are convenient and the other person doesn't care enough to end it with you because you might come in handy someday.
I sigh as I consider my other friend that has had such a change in her life she cannot even go out without huge arrangements before hand - a friend these days I only talk to through email or an occasional phone call. The kind that needs so badly to have friends but cannot find them or keep them.
We cannot forget the "acquaintance friend". These surround me usually at work. They pretend to care, when, in reality, they are just talking to you to save face. The people you feel you have to smile at so you can keep a peaceful work environment. They are just one of those inescapable things of life.
One of my favorite kind of friends is what I call an "obsolete" friend. You will know the kind I am talking about. Someone you have long lasting ties to (maybe from high school) and you might get together with them but always have to have something entertaining to do. The kind of "busy" friend that you get together to catch up sooner so you won't have to do it later. The upside to this kind of friend is they rarely get angry or upset. The downside? They also are rarely available.
Lastly, there are the clingy friends (SCREAM!). I am glad to say I have given back the friendship of those that are clingy. I ended a really long one last April that had been stringing me along for years. The kind of relationship that only benefits one person. You can probably relate - the phone rings and you either don't answer it or pick it up just because of sympathy or fear that the other will do something unreasonable. These kind of people are very dangerous to your health. They stress you out because they get angry for no reason and are very emotional. Having breakdowns in the middle of a movie theater and making obnoxious sounds just to get attention. I am glad to say the drama has dulled from dramatic friends which is a blessing beyond belief. If I ever see one of those types of friends on the horizon I run for my life.
You see, my theory is one I picked out of a fortune cookie "A friend is a gift you give to yourself" So, what do you do with a friend you don't want? You give it back! You can ruin it, (stomp on it and torch it) but that is usually much more painful and can come back to haunt you. You should also realize that your friends don't owe you anything! They are your friend because they like you and there is nothing you should have to do to win that. If they aren't living up to your expectations, you have control over it. So, if you have a friend that you are stringing along, or perhaps you see as a charity case, maybe you should consider if you are doing that friend a favor. Letting people get attached to you because it is an "inconvenience" to handle them is selfish and mean. Most people can handle the truth if you just give them the chance.
Humor me as my mind wanders off with thoughts of many kinds of friends...
For example, I have a couple that are a bit older so when we hang out it is always over dinner or dessert. A detailed conversation including work, family and current events is always prevalent and activities past 9 pm are non-existent.
If you compare it to another friend, we can have a blast doing anything! Whether we are just sitting and talking, watching MTV music videos, dancing at the club or flying to another country, we enjoy each other's company regardless. This is also a friendship that can sit in church together and sing in the car together. (I think singing in the car is the ultimate test of friendship!)
Then I think of some other friends that are too busy and have fallen away. Those are the friends that only call when they want something or (only by your power of suggestion) go out for a short amount of time for coffee or dessert. The kind of friend that would rather be somewhere else but is humoring you for your sake. These friends can be tricky because it is a hard decision when you know you are convenient and the other person doesn't care enough to end it with you because you might come in handy someday.
I sigh as I consider my other friend that has had such a change in her life she cannot even go out without huge arrangements before hand - a friend these days I only talk to through email or an occasional phone call. The kind that needs so badly to have friends but cannot find them or keep them.
We cannot forget the "acquaintance friend". These surround me usually at work. They pretend to care, when, in reality, they are just talking to you to save face. The people you feel you have to smile at so you can keep a peaceful work environment. They are just one of those inescapable things of life.
One of my favorite kind of friends is what I call an "obsolete" friend. You will know the kind I am talking about. Someone you have long lasting ties to (maybe from high school) and you might get together with them but always have to have something entertaining to do. The kind of "busy" friend that you get together to catch up sooner so you won't have to do it later. The upside to this kind of friend is they rarely get angry or upset. The downside? They also are rarely available.
Lastly, there are the clingy friends (SCREAM!). I am glad to say I have given back the friendship of those that are clingy. I ended a really long one last April that had been stringing me along for years. The kind of relationship that only benefits one person. You can probably relate - the phone rings and you either don't answer it or pick it up just because of sympathy or fear that the other will do something unreasonable. These kind of people are very dangerous to your health. They stress you out because they get angry for no reason and are very emotional. Having breakdowns in the middle of a movie theater and making obnoxious sounds just to get attention. I am glad to say the drama has dulled from dramatic friends which is a blessing beyond belief. If I ever see one of those types of friends on the horizon I run for my life.
You see, my theory is one I picked out of a fortune cookie "A friend is a gift you give to yourself" So, what do you do with a friend you don't want? You give it back! You can ruin it, (stomp on it and torch it) but that is usually much more painful and can come back to haunt you. You should also realize that your friends don't owe you anything! They are your friend because they like you and there is nothing you should have to do to win that. If they aren't living up to your expectations, you have control over it. So, if you have a friend that you are stringing along, or perhaps you see as a charity case, maybe you should consider if you are doing that friend a favor. Letting people get attached to you because it is an "inconvenience" to handle them is selfish and mean. Most people can handle the truth if you just give them the chance.
posted by Nic at 11:19 AM
1 Comments:
I work a graveyard shift on a helpdesk that gets about 1 call every three weeks. Having so much time to spare I decided to see what other bloggers from the Spings are doing.Your interests of "Jesus" is what brought me by.
I find your thoughts familiar on friendships. I have had many "fair-weather" friends and the such and I can certainly understand your thoughts on this matter.
I have had "friends" who put on a good show. They come around from time to time in need of great help and having a crisis in thier lives. I'd help and as soon as things started going rosy for them they seem to forget all that was done for them and start back to focusing on themselves.
Close friends I can count on 1 finger. Sad but thats usually the demographics of friendships. I have seen the spectrum of friends that you described.
Another kind of friend I am about to discover is the "long-lost friend." I just made contact with this friend and am hoping to meet with him and his family this year. It will be interesting to see if we still have some kindred association or if we have become so different over the years. We'll see.
I like to think deep thoughts too. I've been blogging for over a year now but have not gotten into commenting on other blogs. This is only the second blog that I have commented on. Not that I haven't found anything interesting. Until recently I haven't had much time to spare on surfin the net.
It seems the blog culture thing to do in these comments is to leave a link to your blog. So here's mine: figleaves.blogspot.com. I have three blogs but you can get to all three from this one. This is my first.
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