Is it Justified?
My long lost greetings go out to you all in cyberland! What a long time it has been since I had a trip to Blogtown! Work has been crazy and with the holidays approaching I knew I had to write today before all hope was lost.
I usually avoid the shopping crowds on November 25th. The phrase "Black Tuesday" always makes me shudder, let alone the thought of waiting in line to get into a store at 5 in the morning in the cold darkness. What could a store have that day that I couldn't find on Ebay tomorrow in the comfort of my own home? This year, I had a friend who was about to venture out on her own this day. I thought since I had nothing better to do at 5 AM other than sleep - and what a waste of time that is) I might as well keep her company and perhaps find a good deal or two. Anyway, I found Scott Stapp's new CD "The Great Divide". I told myself this was my only gift for myself and was happy to leave KMart with one small bag. At fist listen I was not impressed, but I knew I had to do my "Listen & Read" with the lyrics and songs before making a snap judgment.
Phew! Be thankful - you all almost got swept away down the bunny trail of my shopping adventure. Anyway, there is this song called "Justify" (track #4) that immediately caught my attention. The chorus is a catching tune, but it was the words that snagged me. It said "I do not have to justify, The way I live my life. I do not have to justify, The reason IÂm alive." It got me thinking. At first, it was just the reaction to a good song. But then I pushed it further and thought of all the people that judged me about my life and the way I live it. I also don't want to admit how that effected me. It seems that every friend (and family member) I have had has decided the best way I should live my life. They have judged me on the "perfect life" syndrome (by which I refer to as not wanting 2 kids and serving my husband every little thing). For those that don't think before they speak - how is it possible to cook dinner for your husband when he eats at work and gets home sometimes as late as 2 AM? If I sit around waiting for him I get depressed. So sitting and waiting is the last thing that is on my to do list. Most just don't understand this. I do - all too well. As much as I would like to have an 8 to 5 husband, I don't think that will ever happen...Andd I am okay with that. It seems that most of the people I know are the ones that have a problem with it. Often this creates great turmoil with what I have been brought up with being "right and wrong". My wonderful Mother has been a stay at home mom for years and doesn't understand why she is not a Grandmother yet. Hey! I am 25! If I hadn't gotten married at 19 I wouldn't even have this issue! (Sorry about that outburst...)
Anyway, the song just reminded me that I need to think less of what others think about me and keep on doing what I need to do to stay alive and be happy. That even though I have male friends I am not a cheating wife, and that going to churchSaturdayy nights instead of falling asleep during Sunday morning service is not the ways of a sinner. That dancing with friends is harmless even if it is at a bar (heaven forbid!) and if Jay has to make his own dinner once in a while I am not a failed wife. I also know that just because I have been married for over 6 years doesn't mean I need children at the tick of the biological clock!
As if a wave washed over me, I feel that this song brings back a little feeling of what it is like to be clean again. Clean as to caring what other people think and clean to how I need to give myself grace.
I usually avoid the shopping crowds on November 25th. The phrase "Black Tuesday" always makes me shudder, let alone the thought of waiting in line to get into a store at 5 in the morning in the cold darkness. What could a store have that day that I couldn't find on Ebay tomorrow in the comfort of my own home? This year, I had a friend who was about to venture out on her own this day. I thought since I had nothing better to do at 5 AM other than sleep - and what a waste of time that is) I might as well keep her company and perhaps find a good deal or two. Anyway, I found Scott Stapp's new CD "The Great Divide". I told myself this was my only gift for myself and was happy to leave KMart with one small bag. At fist listen I was not impressed, but I knew I had to do my "Listen & Read" with the lyrics and songs before making a snap judgment.
Phew! Be thankful - you all almost got swept away down the bunny trail of my shopping adventure. Anyway, there is this song called "Justify" (track #4) that immediately caught my attention. The chorus is a catching tune, but it was the words that snagged me. It said "I do not have to justify, The way I live my life. I do not have to justify, The reason IÂm alive." It got me thinking. At first, it was just the reaction to a good song. But then I pushed it further and thought of all the people that judged me about my life and the way I live it. I also don't want to admit how that effected me. It seems that every friend (and family member) I have had has decided the best way I should live my life. They have judged me on the "perfect life" syndrome (by which I refer to as not wanting 2 kids and serving my husband every little thing). For those that don't think before they speak - how is it possible to cook dinner for your husband when he eats at work and gets home sometimes as late as 2 AM? If I sit around waiting for him I get depressed. So sitting and waiting is the last thing that is on my to do list. Most just don't understand this. I do - all too well. As much as I would like to have an 8 to 5 husband, I don't think that will ever happen...Andd I am okay with that. It seems that most of the people I know are the ones that have a problem with it. Often this creates great turmoil with what I have been brought up with being "right and wrong". My wonderful Mother has been a stay at home mom for years and doesn't understand why she is not a Grandmother yet. Hey! I am 25! If I hadn't gotten married at 19 I wouldn't even have this issue! (Sorry about that outburst...)
Anyway, the song just reminded me that I need to think less of what others think about me and keep on doing what I need to do to stay alive and be happy. That even though I have male friends I am not a cheating wife, and that going to churchSaturdayy nights instead of falling asleep during Sunday morning service is not the ways of a sinner. That dancing with friends is harmless even if it is at a bar (heaven forbid!) and if Jay has to make his own dinner once in a while I am not a failed wife. I also know that just because I have been married for over 6 years doesn't mean I need children at the tick of the biological clock!
As if a wave washed over me, I feel that this song brings back a little feeling of what it is like to be clean again. Clean as to caring what other people think and clean to how I need to give myself grace.
posted by Nic at 2:31 PM
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