Many Different Friendships

I caught myself thinking today about my friends and how different they are. How some friends are beneficial in one way while others are very versatile. That even though I am a fairly sociable person I find I hold many prospective friends at arm's length. I consider the friends I have now - how I love them to death and cherish them completely. I wish others have the clarity that I perceive within my own realm of reality regarding friendships.

Humor me as my mind wanders off with thoughts of many kinds of friends...

For example, I have a couple that are a bit older so when we hang out it is always over dinner or dessert. A detailed conversation including work, family and current events is always prevalent and activities past 9 pm are non-existent.
If you compare it to another friend, we can have a blast doing anything! Whether we are just sitting and talking, watching MTV music videos, dancing at the club or flying to another country, we enjoy each other's company regardless. This is also a friendship that can sit in church together and sing in the car together. (I think singing in the car is the ultimate test of friendship!)
Then I think of some other friends that are too busy and have fallen away. Those are the friends that only call when they want something or (only by your power of suggestion) go out for a short amount of time for coffee or dessert. The kind of friend that would rather be somewhere else but is humoring you for your sake. These friends can be tricky because it is a hard decision when you know you are convenient and the other person doesn't care enough to end it with you because you might come in handy someday.
I sigh as I consider my other friend that has had such a change in her life she cannot even go out without huge arrangements before hand - a friend these days I only talk to through email or an occasional phone call. The kind that needs so badly to have friends but cannot find them or keep them.
We cannot forget the "acquaintance friend". These surround me usually at work. They pretend to care, when, in reality, they are just talking to you to save face. The people you feel you have to smile at so you can keep a peaceful work environment. They are just one of those inescapable things of life.
One of my favorite kind of friends is what I call an "obsolete" friend. You will know the kind I am talking about. Someone you have long lasting ties to (maybe from high school) and you might get together with them but always have to have something entertaining to do. The kind of "busy" friend that you get together to catch up sooner so you won't have to do it later. The upside to this kind of friend is they rarely get angry or upset. The downside? They also are rarely available.
Lastly, there are the clingy friends (SCREAM!). I am glad to say I have given back the friendship of those that are clingy. I ended a really long one last April that had been stringing me along for years. The kind of relationship that only benefits one person. You can probably relate - the phone rings and you either don't answer it or pick it up just because of sympathy or fear that the other will do something unreasonable. These kind of people are very dangerous to your health. They stress you out because they get angry for no reason and are very emotional. Having breakdowns in the middle of a movie theater and making obnoxious sounds just to get attention. I am glad to say the drama has dulled from dramatic friends which is a blessing beyond belief. If I ever see one of those types of friends on the horizon I run for my life.

You see, my theory is one I picked out of a fortune cookie "A friend is a gift you give to yourself" So, what do you do with a friend you don't want? You give it back! You can ruin it, (stomp on it and torch it) but that is usually much more painful and can come back to haunt you. You should also realize that your friends don't owe you anything! They are your friend because they like you and there is nothing you should have to do to win that. If they aren't living up to your expectations, you have control over it. So, if you have a friend that you are stringing along, or perhaps you see as a charity case, maybe you should consider if you are doing that friend a favor. Letting people get attached to you because it is an "inconvenience" to handle them is selfish and mean. Most people can handle the truth if you just give them the chance.

Is it Justified?

My long lost greetings go out to you all in cyberland! What a long time it has been since I had a trip to Blogtown! Work has been crazy and with the holidays approaching I knew I had to write today before all hope was lost.

I usually avoid the shopping crowds on November 25th. The phrase "Black Tuesday" always makes me shudder, let alone the thought of waiting in line to get into a store at 5 in the morning in the cold darkness. What could a store have that day that I couldn't find on Ebay tomorrow in the comfort of my own home? This year, I had a friend who was about to venture out on her own this day. I thought since I had nothing better to do at 5 AM other than sleep - and what a waste of time that is) I might as well keep her company and perhaps find a good deal or two. Anyway, I found Scott Stapp's new CD "The Great Divide". I told myself this was my only gift for myself and was happy to leave KMart with one small bag. At fist listen I was not impressed, but I knew I had to do my "Listen & Read" with the lyrics and songs before making a snap judgment.

Phew! Be thankful - you all almost got swept away down the bunny trail of my shopping adventure. Anyway, there is this song called "Justify" (track #4) that immediately caught my attention. The chorus is a catching tune, but it was the words that snagged me. It said "I do not have to justify, The way I live my life. I do not have to justify, The reason I’m alive." It got me thinking. At first, it was just the reaction to a good song. But then I pushed it further and thought of all the people that judged me about my life and the way I live it. I also don't want to admit how that effected me. It seems that every friend (and family member) I have had has decided the best way I should live my life. They have judged me on the "perfect life" syndrome (by which I refer to as not wanting 2 kids and serving my husband every little thing). For those that don't think before they speak - how is it possible to cook dinner for your husband when he eats at work and gets home sometimes as late as 2 AM? If I sit around waiting for him I get depressed. So sitting and waiting is the last thing that is on my to do list. Most just don't understand this. I do - all too well. As much as I would like to have an 8 to 5 husband, I don't think that will ever happen...Andd I am okay with that. It seems that most of the people I know are the ones that have a problem with it. Often this creates great turmoil with what I have been brought up with being "right and wrong". My wonderful Mother has been a stay at home mom for years and doesn't understand why she is not a Grandmother yet. Hey! I am 25! If I hadn't gotten married at 19 I wouldn't even have this issue! (Sorry about that outburst...)

Anyway, the song just reminded me that I need to think less of what others think about me and keep on doing what I need to do to stay alive and be happy. That even though I have male friends I am not a cheating wife, and that going to churchSaturdayy nights instead of falling asleep during Sunday morning service is not the ways of a sinner. That dancing with friends is harmless even if it is at a bar (heaven forbid!) and if Jay has to make his own dinner once in a while I am not a failed wife. I also know that just because I have been married for over 6 years doesn't mean I need children at the tick of the biological clock!

As if a wave washed over me, I feel that this song brings back a little feeling of what it is like to be clean again. Clean as to caring what other people think and clean to how I need to give myself grace.